I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
