He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
