She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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