So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
