You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
