i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I am available for nakedness
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
