i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
