Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So vagazzling was a success
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
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