My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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