Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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