someone owes me an orgasm
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
