we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
