this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
