I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
