Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
