I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
