Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
