running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
