Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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