he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My breasts were aching with rage.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
