I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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