Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i out mim tonsoeep
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