I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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