Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
