Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
