I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
How does one acquire holy water?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
