he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
