I hate all girls vehemently.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
