Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
