Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
