Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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