he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
