:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
