don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
