I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
