were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
