Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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