I accidentally burped into my bong.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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