hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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