what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
