His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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