I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
