I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
