So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
