I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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