If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
