U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
