Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
