Christians are straight up FREAKS
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
