Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he was CRYING into my vagina
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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