the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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