I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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