Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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