I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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