Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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