I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
