My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
