After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
