I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
