evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
