Do you still have your period?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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