You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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