??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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