im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
