So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
