You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
