My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize