I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
