margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
