I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
