just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
