U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
