just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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