that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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