I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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