I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
