It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Sacagawea was the original milf.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
