Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
